I think I need to go in-patient. Otherwise, I'm going to do something bad. Worse. I started having sex with strange men a couple weeks ago, because if M. didn't want me, I thought there might be someone who did. It seemed perfect. I get love and companionship and everything I need from M. I get sex from someone else. But the man who just left... It's been ten minutes and I'm still bleeding. I tried to pull away from him, it hurt and I wanted him to stop but he didn't. Now i just want to die. I have no one to talk to about this. I can't report it because I invited him over, more or less. He invited himself over. I said not to come but he just had to.

I'm not good at saying no when it comes to sex. Not because I want it so much, but because saying no means they hurt you worse.