I had a miserable night last night. Mike is home, and as we sat and watched videos, all I could think about was how no matter what, I will never be good enough for him. My heart hurt so badly that I had to hold my arms around my chest to keep it from breaking through. I wish I could kill my heart. Life without a heart must be so much easier.

Part of me wants to break away from Mike, but I can't. I'm financially tied to him. He pays my rent, buys the things I need (and don't need), and we have a joint account. It's as if we were married, or at least a couple. We either talk or text each other every day when he's on the road. When he's home, we're together every minute. Besides, Xander thinks of his as a second father. He's often told Mike he wishes Mike were his step-father.

This is one reason I want to go back to school. If I can get my degree and find a good job, I can be self sufficient and feels some pride in myself. It would put Mike and I on level footings.