It's been a difficult month, during which I wasn't able to bring myself to post. Was it the holidays? Or was it the bad weather? It may have been my meds. I don't know. I do know that I am feeling a bit better now, and for that I am thankful. I suspect most of that was getting to spend so much time with Mike while he was home on vacation.

My boyfriend went for a few weeks without calling or talking to me on the internet, and it didn't bother me. I think it may be safe to consider that relationship over. I don't regret it, though. For the first time in years, I had a man look at me with desire, and it felt good. It left me feeling better about myself, although for the most part, I still hate myself.

I got to the point a couple weeks ago that I felt I absolutely had to make a change, and the easiest thing to change is hair, so I dyed my hair black. It's black with blue highlights. I love it. I'll go back to red eventually, but for now, I'm just enjoying my blue-black hair.

My p-doc added a new med to my cocktail. Wellbutrin. He said it should help boost the effects of my antidepressant, and give me some energy. I'm still waiting for the energy, but I have noticed that I am less depressed than I was, so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.