Back again. I saw my new doctor today. He seemed quite nice, but I had trouble with the fact that I was in a small room with a man I didn't know, and didn't feel I could fully trust. I did get my prescription for Klonopin, so hopefully the shaking will stop. (My spell checker didn't recognise Klonopin, so I went to add it to the dictionary. One of the words it suggested in its' place was Klingon. I like that!)

Dad had surgery on Tuesday to remove more cancer. The surgeon told mom that the cancer has become more invasive, and will come back faster next time. Dad has been in a lot more pain this time, and had to take yesterday off. I really worry about mom and dad. They are neither of them well, and I hate to admit that they are now old. My parents shouldn't be old.

I spent more money at the drug store than I should have, trying to make myself feel better. I bought a salt crystal candle holder, which I've wanted for a while, but still. Bought more damn makeup, too. I have a three drawer organiser that's crammed full of makeup that I hardly ever use. I don't need more. I buy it just the same. I'm even worse when I'm manic. At least today I waited until the bills had been payed before buying crap. When I'm manic, it all goes so quickly, on things that I will never use. Usually on eBay. I wonder if I'm about to have another mixed episode. I hope not, because it really is hell. The worst parts of the mania and the depression, all rolled into one soul-destroying bundle o' fun.

I've been pretty depressed, and going through withdrawal doesn't help in the least. I haven't showered in two weeks, but I'm managing to take care of Xander. I'm putting everything into taking care of him, and I have nothing left over for anything else. I feel really drained.

A couple I am friends with want me to become a board member for their new business. I don't even know what the business is yet. I'm unsure what to do. I don't know anything about being a part of a company, and what will happen to me if everything goes pear shaped? Where will I stand? I wish I knew what to do.